I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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