I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize