have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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