I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
