You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
