There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
