Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
