Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
