the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
