turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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