Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
