Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
