Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
