I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
