At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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