Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Vodka?
Forever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
