hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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