I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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