Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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