so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I could fuck to npr.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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