Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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