How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize