How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
