I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
