I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
In America we eat man semen.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
