Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
