The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize