I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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