my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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