If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
