So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
