I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
