I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
