Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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