We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
