This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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