how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
