I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
