I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
