Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's shark week go big or go home
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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