forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
