I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
