i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
