Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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