The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Randomize