first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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