i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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