Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
