I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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