wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
