billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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