The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
