I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
