I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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