my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
