She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
