Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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