Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize