I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
