I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
