FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
