My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
