Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
