Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize