why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
