I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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