Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
