Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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