direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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