Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
