hotel room ftw
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
